In the Woodshed

So, it’s the end of 2009 and what have I done. Well, I had three books out this year: Pussycat Death Squad, Morning Star and Santa Baby. Morning Star and Santa Baby did very well, Pussycat not so well. Apparently people don’t want to read love stories featuring Muslim women. I had a sequel planned for that book, and I’ll probably do it, but I’m in no rush.

Next up is Given, which is a multi-cultural, paranormal, historical, and its sequel Taken. Given is coming out in February, we’re not sure about Taken yet. Also coming out in February is my story FlyBoy which is part of Parker’s What White Boyz Fight For anthology.

I’ve already submitted my non-fiction book on the Free Lessons to several publishers and agents. I haven’t heard back from anyone yet, and I’m thinking I probably won’t. Ideally I’ll have time to write Dark Star this year, and maybe submit it to a few publishers and agents. But I also need to be writing shorter stories to keep my e-book backlist up. I’ve never written two books at the same time, so it’ll be interesting.

I’ve got an idea for a sequel to Santa Baby, which features Gabriel, the trumpet player at Pink. He just happens to be an archangel and doesn’t know it, but an end-of-days cult does know and they’re hunting him down. I  also have a book I’m calling Shimmer which is sort of a Virginia Dareish space opera. It’s about a girl who is left behind when her parents fail to colonize Earth. Now they’re back and are looking for her. There’s only one problem, she has no idea that she’s not human.

Oprah Winfrey Epic Fail

I’ve got a major bone to pick with you and its name is Steve Harvey. I want to know why it is that you decided to make a man, and an effing comedian at that an expert on black women. I find it fascinating that when you and others in the media decide to discuss white women’s issues you bring in experts; counselors, therapists, you know people who actually have some type of training in the subject at hand. And what do black women get? A fucking comedian, and a lame ass one at that. Could you please explain to me what’s so funny about black women’s pain? Further, when you discuss white women’s issues you have experts on the panel who are, you know, actual white women. You would never ever think of having a man on for such a topic. You know white women would rip your ass from the rooter to the tooter. But for black women any jackass will do.

And if Steve Harvey wasn’t bad enough you follow up with the likes of Chris Rock. Well your own ass got bitten in that one. How does it feel to be called a slave on national television? See, you knew Rock was a snake, but you thought he was your snake, right? Doesn’t work that way. A man filled with that level and bitterness and rage at black women is going to bite all of us whenever he’s given an opportunity.

So now we’ve got this mofo all over the place. Goodness knows as goes Oprah so goes the nation. We’ve got every swinging Richard on the planet doing a story on black women and how no one wants to marry us. Thanks a lot Oprah. Epic fail Ms. Winfrey. Epic fail.

Steve Harvey is an Ass

See, I told y’all not to buy that book, now we’ve got this mofo popping up everywhere telling the world that black women are pathetic lonely creatures who will die alone with nothing but their accomplishments to keep them warm at night. Of course the networks love this crap, God forbid they put melinated people with actual functioning brain cells on television. Why on earth would they want to do that when they have this pussy hound who actually goes on national television dressed like a pimp.

Black women’s angst is profitable. Once again we’re being exploited by pimps and macks. Men who’ve never sustained a relationship in their lives actually have the gall to try to tell us what’s wrong with us. I think it’s pathetic that grown azz men are sitting around gloating over the supposed dearth of menfolk willing to marry a black woman. It’s a Jedi mind trick of the highest order. Think about it. What happens when you convince women that there are no men available? They become desperate and start putting up with all manner of bullshit. Messence (TM GEM 2009) starts publishing bullshit articles about finding men in strip clubs and man sharing and women lose their effing minds. And now his pearl of wisdom via Dateline NBC? Black women should start dating older dudes. Oh yeah, like old men aren’t on a perpetual pussy hunt just like the young ones. Gee, I wonder why Mr. Harvey gives that advice? Could it have something to do with the fact that his greasy ass is now old as dirt and still trying to get some? After all he is on wife number three.

Just say no to relationship advice from men. Remember, they’re always, ALWAYS looking out for themselves first and foremost.

Belk Santa Baby Redux

For all the asshats who insist on defending Belk’s Santa Baby epic Fail I’m posting the lyrics to that song. Please tell me that you are not okay with a CHILD singing this. I’m going to assume that people simply don’t know the lyrics. Otherwise we’re going to have an epidemic of child prostitutes. Oops, we already have that, now don’t we? It’s not okay for a child to sing a whore song. It’s not okay to slather makeup on a three year old and deck her out in a midriff top and call it a beauty pageant. STOP SEXUALIZING CHILDREN. It’s sick enough that we oversexualize adults. For the love of buttercream frosting let the goddamned children be children.

There are plenty of children’s songs that little girl could have sung. Why the hell did they choose one about a kept woman? Just what the hell are they implying and what in the name of Christ’s ten toes is wrong with people that they would defend it. It’s not cute. We set our children up as a smorgasbord for pedophiles then we freak the hell out when they take a bite. Make up your mind, are they children or are they sex objects? Don’t put any more fucknuttery of this nature in my in-box. I’ve ignored this crap as long as I’m going to.

Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs I Quit You

I know. I know. I love polar bears as much as anyone, and the prospect of them drowning disturbs me. No, I don’t want to see Florida underwater, especially since most of them will probably wind up here. Atlanta has enough people, God help us all if it suddenly became oceanfront property. I’m all about controlling greenhouse gases, but I just can’t read in the dark any longer. I don’t care what the greens say, the damned things don’t emit as much light as incandescents and I’m too old and blind to deal with the eyestrain of trying to read like Abraham Lincoln did.

I will continue to use them for overhead lighting, but for task and reading lights, sorry I’ve got to let you go. It’s not me, it’s you.

Finally Finished Given

It’s funny the way things turn out sometimes. I love working with Lisa because when we start bouncing ideas off each other it gets really interesting. It took us so long to finish the book because we kept coming up with new ideas. That’s great for us. For editors and publishers? Not so much. I love this book though. I’ve always wanted to do a historical, and I’ve read a lot about the Underground Railroad. Secret societies and resistance movements are so exciting and sexy to me, so when I started thinking about doing a historical it was a natural. Jacob is so unbelievably sizzling hot, even when he’s a 400 pound black bear. Oh, you’ve never read a historical paranormal multi-cultural erotic romance before? (How’s that for genre splicing!)

Jacob and Mary Katherine have to deal with her reluctance to marry, his deception about his dual nature, and just a few slave catching witches. This book is exciting and different and I can’t wait to see what y’all think of it. Isn’t this a great bear picture. I got it from this cool First People’s site that I link below. I’ve always liked bears and apparently they’re associated with magic and mysticism. I just think they’re incredibly clever and beautiful. If we’re fortunate enough to continue the series there will be at least two more historicals that will continue the story of the Eshu. Wish us luck.

First People
First People is a child friendly site about American Indians and members of the First Nations. 1400+ legends, 400+ agreements and treaties, 10,000+ pictures, free clipart, Pueblo pottery, American Indian jewelry, Native American Flutes and more.

Santa Baby from Loose Id

Well, it’s here everybody. Step right up and pick up a few dozen just in time for Christmas. It’s the perfect book for you to read on that new Kindlenookie Santa brought you!

I was just reading the excerpt, and it’s strange, it sounds new and interesting to me, almost like I didn’t write it. It really pulls you into the story. And remember, it’s got the Lisa G. Riley seal of approval!

Roslyn Hardy Holcomb’s Santa Baby from Loose Id.

Santa Baby Drops Tomorrow

I still get giddy with each one! Writing Santa Baby was the most fun I’ve had with a book in a long time. My writing partner, Lisa G. Riley says it’s her new fave of mine. High praise considering that one of her singular pleasures in life is kicking my butt. So if she likes it there’s a strong possibility that you will too.

I love this cover. The black and white is picks up that Mad Men vibe, and that’s never a bad thing and I adore the touch of red. (BTW, there’s a red dress scene that’s beyond killer.) And those sexy torch singer gloves…ooh la la.

This will be my last book of 2009, but don’t fret, I’ll be up and running in 2010. Given and FlyBoy are scheduled for February. And I’ve got other ideas I’ll be pitching as well. This has been a great year for me. Sales are steadily increasing and I thank all of you ever so much for that. With your support and God’s help I hope to have another great year in 2010.

Are Y’all Sure This is Balenciaga?

How the heck did this happen? Y’all know I’m not crazy about Nicole Kidman, but she at least normally looks nice in her clothes. Where on earth did she find this ugly dress? It looks like something I made in 9th grade Home Ec.

Dear George Lucas,

I realize that you will not be happy until you have all the money in the world. Hey, I can get behind that. It’s good to have goals, and goodness knows if I ever have a hit I’m going to milk that sucker for all its worth. Yes, I’ll be the first romance author in history with backpacks and action figures! I also realize that Melody Hobson is a wealthy high-maintenance woman in her own right. For an ego-maniac like you it must make for a difficult relationship. But dude, $50 freaking bucks for a Star Wars model?! My brothers had those back when we were kids, they cost $3 and you had the bonus of being able to sniff the glue!

And Lego, I’m not letting you money-grubbing scumbags off the hook either. Legos are supposed to spark a child’s creativity. Where’s the creativity behind something that only makes one thing, and an outrageously priced thing at thing at that? And then y’all pimp this crap on all the kiddie channels like Jehovah’s Witnesses. Double epic fail dudes.